Monday May 16, 2011

My entire future has completely changed today. Rich and I had our follow-up appointment with Dr. Patel (our Reproductive Endocrinologist) to go over the results of all our tests to find out why I haven't been able to get pregnant. I stopped taking birth control 3 years ago and just thought that when the time was right, I would get pregnant. We weren't really paying attention to my cycles in the beginning but the last year or so I have been documenting them. They have been all over the place. There's no rhyme or reason to when Aunt Flow comes so it's been difficult to pinpoint ovulation. Which leads us to why we sought out help from Dr. Patel.

Unfortunately, Patel had really bad news for us. He told us that my follicle count in my ovaries was really low, 3 in my right and 1 in my left. He also said that my FSH (Follicle stimulating hormone) was really high, 18. He has diagnosed me with Diminished Ovarian Reserve and has stated that I am Peri-Menopausal. The bad news just kept coming. He told us that we could try an IUI (Intra-Uterine Insemination) but that we would only have a 5% chance of having a successful, live birth. Our best bet he said would be IVF (In-Vitro Fertilization) but he was only giving us a 12-15% chance of a live birth. I was, am completely devastated. This was not the news I was hoping to hear but had a feeling in my heart before we went that it would be bad. He said that the reason for this is genetic and that there's nothing that I could have done to prevent this from happening. I am 37 years old but he said that my ovaries, hormones, etc. are more of a 45 year old woman. How the hell is a 45 year old woman supposed to get pregnant??? Patel is concerned with the cost of IVF for us with such a low chance for success. Our insurance will cover a couple rounds of IUI and whatever is left over, can go toward IVF. An IVF cycle will cost somewhere in the $15,000 range. Most doctors will not take me on as an IVF patient because of my low chance for success because I can "ruin" their published success rates. Patel has stated that he will support me 100% in whatever decision we make and will do whatever we feel we are up to trying. So we are now faced with the decision to go ahead & try the IUI because he said that even if it doesn't work, he will get a better look at how my body responds to the stimulating medications. It will give him more insight in case we have to try an IVF.

This has been an incredibly difficult day for me and for Rich. I bawled my eyes out all afternoon and Rich finally allowed himself to feel the pain of all this. He was trying to be so strong for me and hold it together in my presence but as soon as he had a moment alone, he broke down. I've never seen him cry like that and although I felt horrible for him, I was a little relieved that I wasn't the only one so upset and that he felt comfortable finally allowing himself to let go. I instantly knew that we were in this deep and that we were in this…together.