Saturday December 31, 2011 - 27 Weeks

It's the last day of the year and Rich and I are super excited for the new year to start because it's the year of Tatum!! We will now be able to move forward with decorating the nursery now that the holiday's are finally over. There's not much to report other then I'm just growing bigger and Tatum continues to move around a lot! It is the best feeling in the world. It is so indescribable and there is nothing else like it. I feel bad for Men, especially Rich, and any woman who doesn't get to feel this. It is just such a miracle! To just know that I have a baby living and growing inside of my body is just so remarkable! It is something I will never forget and never, ever take for granted. Here is the latest picture of my baby bump!

Saturday December 10, 2011 - 24 Weeks

Here's the latest picture of my baby bump. It's getting bigger and bigger!!! :)

Thursday December 8, 2011 - 24 Weeks

We had our ultrasound today and the baby is doing great! She is growing like crazy and now weighs 1 pound 3 ounces!! We asked the tech if we could see a 3D of her face and she said it would be hard because of the baby's positioning but she would try. When it came time, the baby had her hand over half of her face so we only got a side shot. Little stinker! We got a good 2 D shot of her though and it looks like she's smiling. :) She was head up this time which makes sense to me, seeing that she keeps kicking me in the bladder! This kid loves to kick me in the bladder. It hurts so bad too so a lot of times I try to move her around so she stops. Ha! I have my next appointment on Monday with Dr Castilla so we are just plugging right along. I can't believe how fast this pregnancy is going. I'm really trying to enjoy all of it and not wish it away. Especially because this may be my only chance to ever be pregnant. Rich is still completely wonderful to me and I love to see how excited he gets about all the little things right along with me. He has been reading to Tatum at night and it is just too sweet! I am so blessed and truly lucky!!

Thursday December 1, 2011 - 23 Weeks

The baby's movements have now become consistent everyday! It is so exciting! I can feel her move around at various times of the day and night. She is so darn cute! It is so reassuring that she is doing great when I can feel her move/ I used to have to wait until I saw the doctor every month to hear her heart beat to know she was okay and now I can feel her moving. It is just so wonderful. I can now even feel her on the outside of my belly. I woke Rich up last night in the middle of the night because she woke me up kicking and I knew he would be able to feel it on the outside. Sure enough, just as soon as I put his hand on my belly she let out a big kick! He was so thrilled to finally feel her. Up until now he kept saying it was just something special for me. Now he can share in how special it really is! :)

We have another ultrasound scheduled for next Thursday to see how she is doing. We are really looking forward to it. We will hopefully get to see a 3D image of her face! I am hoping the technician will do it for us. We will also get a second peek to make sure she is still a girl hahaha!!

Thursday November 10, 2011 - 20 Weeks

I have officially started feeling my baby girl moving around in my belly! It is so exciting! At first I thought I could feel a little something but I wasn't sure. It's not very consistent yet but when I lay on my back at night in bed, I can feel a little movement. It doesn't really feel like flutters that everyone talks about. It mostly feel like little pushes. Every night now I get really excited to see if I can feel her move. I can generally feel a little here & there. I can't wait until it gets more consistent!

Sunday November 6, 2011 - 19.5 Weeks

Rich and I have officially decided to name our baby girl Tatum Elizabeth Strauss. We mulled over lots of different names but we both have loved the name Tatum for a long time and I have always loved the name Elizabeth. It sounds beautiful together, Tatum isn't a common name and also not a weird, uncommon name, so we are really happy with our choice! I hope she likes her name as much as we do!

Wednesday November 2, 2011 - 19 Weeks

As everyone can tell from the image above, we found out today that we are having a girl!!!! We are so thrilled! We had the ultrasound today and she is measuring perfectly on everything. Thank you, God! It was such a wonderful feeling today to see our baby on the screen and to see her little heart beating away.    We just bought a new camcorder to start filming everything and Rich wanted to film the ultrasound session but the technician wouldn't let him. We don't know why but we of course obliged, begrudgingly! ;) It was so great to see the baby's brain, heart, kidney's, etc for the first time. She now weighs a whopping 10 ounces! We both breathed a sigh of relief when we saw that she is doing just fine. At the end of the ultrasound, the technician asked if we wanted to know the gender, and we told her yes! She started probing around and I could tell instantly that the baby was indeed a girl but I didn't say anything just to be sure. The technician then said, "It's a girl!" and Rich and I both got tears in our eyes instantly. He said, "Are you sure?" and the tech told us that she would not tell us anything unless she was absolutely certain. So, we are definitely having a girl! We were both very overwhelmed with emotion but Rich especially was. He was so convinced we were having a boy and I think it was just a shock for him. He couldn't be more happy! This little girl will have him wrapped around her little finger. He is such a softie anyway and I just know that she will melt his heart. I'm so excited for little pigtails, bows in her hair, little tutu's, dresses, and all things girly! I know there will be lots of shopping in our future! After we left the doctor's office, we called our parents, siblings, etc. right away and everyone is so excited. Rich was just so choked up with emotion that he couldn't really talk on the phone to his Mom or sister. It was the most precious thing ever. :)

So now we can start planning the nursery and register for baby items. My sister-in-law, Melissa will make the nursery bedding for us. I need to start looking for fabric that is perfect. I don't know how we will decorate just yet but I'm sure there will be lots of pink! We are beyond excited for this precious little girl to come into our lives. She will be so loved and protected by us. We will provide her with a great life filled with lots of love!!

I am definitely in maternity clothes right now. My belly is getting bigger and bigger. People are starting to notice that I am pregnant now. I have purchased some cute clothes to get me through the rest of the pregnancy. I didn't want to buy too many. I would rather spend money on my baby girl! I'm sure this will be the story of the rest of my life!! :)

Here's a picture of my baby bump right now.

Monday October 17, 2011 - 17 Weeks

I had my monthly appointment with Dr. Castilla today and everything is going really well! My weight gain has been slow, so I am thrilled with that. I have been pretty careful so I don't gain a lot of weight during this pregnancy.  I look forward to my monthly appointments because I get to hear the baby's heartbeat and it is the most beautiful sound. I am not feeling the baby move as of yet so the sound of the heart beating is so reassuring that everything is just fine. The doctor gave me the referral to get the second trimester ultrasound done with the specialist again. They will check the baby's measurements, vital organs, etc. to make sure that the baby is growing and progressing on schedule. We will hopefully found out the sex of our baby at that appointment too! :) We are so excited to see exactly what we have created. Rich and I don't really have a gender preference. We have tried so long to have a baby and didn't think it would be possible so just the thought of having a healthy baby is perfect enough for us. Whatever gender the baby is will be just as God intended and we are so blessed.

Tomorrow is my 38th birthday and will be my last birthday without my little kiddo. I am looking forward to everything this next year has in store for us. There will be so many milestones and I just want to take the time to really enjoy everything. Time goes by so fast and I want to hold on to all the precious moments in this life, and especially in my baby's life. Here's to a fabulous year ahead and to 38!!

Monday September 26, 2011 - 14 Weeks

We got the call today from the specialist's office that the results of our test were great. Our odds of the baby having Down Syndrome went from 1 in 200 to 1 in 2,700 and the other two Trisomy disorders went to 1 in 5,700. Needless to say, we are thrilled! This is just a huge relief for us. Now we definitely don't need to worry about moving forward with an amniocentesis, thankfully. Our next ultrasound will be in approximately 4 weeks and we will hopefully find out the baby's gender. :)

Almost everyday Rich or I try to read a book to the baby. I am hoping this will stimulate the baby's brain and have him/her be interested in books. We will definitely read to our child every night before bed. I can't wait! I also play classical music for the baby everyday on my ride home from work. Sometimes I play jazz too. It may sound corny but I am completely in love with this baby already and want to expose him/her to everything that I can in this life. I can't wait to take my child to art museums, the library, the zoo, botanical gardens, farmers markets, traveling, etc. I want to show my baby everything.

My stomach is definitely starting to grow and I have outgrown most of my pants and shorts. I have had to move into maternity pants so that I can be comfortable. I didn't think I would have to do that this early but everyone grown differently. We just have 5 1/2 month's to go. It's already going by so fast. I really want to enjoy this pregnancy, especially since I am feeling so much better these days. I am just really tired and love to nap when I can but the nausea is pretty much gone. Rich has been absolutely fabulous, of course I knew he would be. He takes really good care of me and he is so excited to become a daddy. He is going to be the greatest dad. He already loves the baby so much too. This all makes me love him so much more then ever before. I am so lucky and so blessed!

Wednesday September 21, 2011 - 13 weeks

We had our Nuchal Translucency test today at the Perinatologist's office. This test is given to "older" ladies pregnant and establishes statistical data to determine the odds of the baby having Down's Syndrome and other Trisomy disorders. They measure the area on the back of the neck, look for nasal bone formation, and took blood from me. All of this information, along with my age and the baby's gestational age is then put together to determine the odds of the abnormalities. It sounds pretty scary but I am very confidant that the baby is perfectly healthy. It was so amazing to see the baby on the ultrasound today! This was the first time that the baby looked like an actual baby and not a blob or gummy bear! :) The baby was very active and looked like he/she was either doing crunches or had the hiccups. It was so cute! We saw both legs, both arms and I said a private "thank you" to God. It was so surreal and I couldn't help but cry. It was just so exciting! The tech said everything looked great so I left feeling pretty good. We are truly so blessed!

Thursday September 15, 2011 - 12 Weeks

Hooray! I am officially 12 weeks today and I made it to the end of my first trimester!! I am still worried of course, but optimistic, especially now that I have made it through this critical period. Thank you God!! I'm also feeling a lot better these days. I'm not having as much nausea or digestive distress, thankfully! My clothes are tighter and tighter and I don't think I can make the rubber band trick work much longer. The trick is to loop a rubber band through your pants button hole and around your button, thus allowing a little more room in your waist. :) My belly is growing and I'm starting to show so I think maternity pants are in my future pretty soon but it's all worth it. I love being pregnant so far, even with these aches and pains. My baby will be worth all the uncomfortableness and pain!

Monday August 22, 2011 - 9 Weeks

We had our first appointment with our new ObGyn, Dr. Julie Castilla today. Rich and I both really liked her and are happy with our decision to have her as our Ob. She was very nice, caring and compassionate. She seemed genuinely interested in helping me have the best, most healthy and happy pregnancy as possible. Our visit went really well and we had an ultrasound too so she could see how the baby is doing. The baby measured perfectly for the age and the heartbeat was great too. We actually got to hear the heart beat for the first time today. It was so wonderful to hear! The baby was also moving around the feet and hand buds. It was so cute! We were so excited to see all the movement today!

I will now have to check in with Dr. Castilla every month from here forward until I get toward the end then I will go every couple of weeks, and then weekly. Next month I will also go to a specialist to get a Nuchal Translucency ultrasound and blood work to check for birth defects. The NT test checks for thickness in the baby's neck and for the nasal bone to determine if the baby could possibly have down syndrome. The blood work checks for other abnormalities. It is pretty scary to have these tests done but because of my age, it is pretty standard. The doctor also told us about an Amniocentesis and CVS test. Both of these tests check for more abnormalities if the initial tests come back questionable. There is a risk of miscarriage with both of these tests so we have decided that we will not have either one of them done. We will see how the initial tests come back and pray that everything will be just perfect. We don't have a family history of any birth defects in either of our families so we are not terribly worried about it. It is in God's hands at this point and we won't terminate the pregnancy if there is something wrong so we feel it's not worth the risk to test any further.

Since going off of the progesterone, I have been feeling a little better every day. I still have some digestive issues and I'm still pretty exhausted every day but overall I feel much better. I can't wait to make it through the first trimester and start feeling more energized and better all-around!

Tuesday August 16, 2011 - 8 Weeks

I have been so sick with nausea the past week. The last 4 days or so have been the worst. I'm pretty much nauseous all day long now, off and on. I still haven't had to throw up yet but have come very, very close. I try and meditate through it and so far, it has worked. I'm also still pretty bloated and have stomach aches off and on also. It usually happens after I eat. I just hope all of this goes away very soon. I know most of this goes away after the first trimester for most people so I am praying that it will for me! I'm trying to just get through each day as it comes. I'm trying to give my baby the best nutrition that I possibly can but unfortunately, vegetables are generally making me sick, as is chicken, etc. I mostly feel okay when I eat breads, potatoes, etc. I just hope I can eat better food soon!

We have been looking at baby furniture for the nursery. I'm getting so excited! I have a long way to go but it's been fun looking at how we might decorate the nursery. I've also picked up a couple of cute onesies and a cute onesie for Halloween next year. The baby will be 7 month's by then! My friend Margaret gave us a book for the baby called, Love You Forever. It's her favorite children's book. Rich and I read it the night she gave it to us and we cried at how sweet it is. It's a really precious story and it was just so sweet of Margaret to share it with us! I also picked up another book that I saw called, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very bad Day. It's a really cute story too. I can't wait to read to my baby!

Monday August 8, 2011 - 7 Weeks

We had our second ultrasound today and saw our baby's heartbeat!! It was beating at 120 beats per minute so it's right on schedule! It was so exciting to see the little flicker on the screen! I have been praying everyday that we would get to see the heartbeat and I feel so blessed that we actually did! It was so beautiful! I can't believe we could see it already. This became so much more real to us today. We are just so thrilled!

This was our last appointment with Dr. Patel and we have now officially graduated to a regular ObGyn. We have our first appointment with Dr. Julie Castilla in 2 weeks. Although I'm sad to leave Dr. Patel's office, I'm excited to embark on my new journey of pregnancy with my new doctor. Dr. Patel was completely wonderful to us and did everything in his power to get me pregnant and it actually worked! I will miss him but I am very fortunate that I get to leave his practice because that means it was successful! The nurses asked us to bring the baby by and send a picture after he/she comes. I thought that was so sweet! We are now off to our new doctor and the baby's official due date is 3/29/12. Now that we have seen the heartbeat, the chances of a miscarriage has now dropped to 5% so I'm feeling a lot better. I just want to get past the first trimester so I can relax a little more. I'm excited for our first appointment with Dr. Castilla in 2 weeks. We will get to have another ultrasound at that appointment too. I cannot wait!

Friday July 29, 2011 - 5 Weeks

I had my first ultrasound today and everything looks really great! It was so surreal to see the gestational sac and yolk sac in my uterus where every other ultrasound that I have had has been empty. Dr. Patel was so thrilled for us, as were all the nurses and staff at his office. They have all been fabulous to us! I still can't believe this is happening! I'm so amazed and humbled by God's blessings. We are so fortunate and know how lucky we are that we have been so blessed.

This past week a little bit of nausea has set in but nothing too horrible. I have found that when I have a little bit of food to eat, the nausea goes away. My breasts are still very sore, I'm cramping still, although not as much, and I have steadily gotten more tired as the days go by. All in all, not too bad so far. I wonder if I just don't know what I have in store for me yet, ha!! I will take anything thrown at me, as long as I can carry this beautiful baby to full term and have him/her be very healthy! I pray really, really hard everyday that everything will be ok and that this baby continues to grow and will be extremely healthy and happy!

Our next feat will be the ultrasound on August 8th. At that time, we will look for the baby's heartbeat. I cannot wait to see it on the screen! After that appointment, I will officially graduate from Dr. Patel and go to a regular ObGyn. I will definitely miss having my hand held throughout this process but I pray that I find a wonderful doctor that is just as attentive as Dr. Patel has been. I cannot wait to see my baby's heartbeat in 10 days!! I have been staring at the ultrasound picture all day....I'm beyond excited!!

Friday July 22, 2011 - 4 Weeks

Our latest beta number is 644!!!!! I am beyond thrilled! The nurse said that's a wonderful number. Our next step is an ultrasound next Friday to check for the sac and yolk sac. Then we will do another ultrasound the next Friday after to look for the heartbeat. I am so excited and just can't believe this is happening. This is after we were given a 5% chance of success. I feel so blessed!!!

Wednesday July 20, 2011

We received wonderful news today! The baby's HCG level is 315 as of yesterday! That's a very excellent number for 14 days past IUI. The nurse said it was a great starting number! I am so thrilled and relieved! She told me to continue the Progesterone suppositories and to make sure I'm taking my Pre-Natal vitamins and drinking lots of water. She said it's very important that I don't get dehydrated. So the next step is another HCG test on Thursday to make sure the number is going up. It should double, ideally. So now we wait for two more days to find out our next number. I'm keeping my fingers crossed & prayers going!!

Tuesday July 19, 2011

I tested with a digital the last two days and both were positive!! Hooray!! It was so nice to see the words, "pregnant" on the test this morning!! It is literally a dream come true. I went ahead and called Dr. Patel's office today to let them know and they had me do a beta blood test today to see what my HCG level was. We will get the results tomorrow. We will then do another test on Thursday to see if the level has doubled. I have no idea what a good starting number is but I know that a successful one will double every 2-3 days. So we are of course, hoping and praying for excellent numbers tomorrow!! I'm still cramping a lot and from I've read online, it's normal. I'm just worried of course just because the cramping comes and goes like my period is getting ready to start. I can't wait for tomorrow!

Sunday July 17, 2011

Well, the line was significantly darker today!! We are super excited!! That means that there is more HCG in my body and that the baby is growing! We were so excited to see that! Today was much different in church for us then last week. Last week we were so depressed and we both cried and today we were both so happy and rejoicing!! We just cannot believe this is actually happening!! We are just hoping and praying that this little one will stick and we will have a successful, full-term pregnancy. Tomorrow we will start the digital testing!!

Saturday July 16, 2011

So I woke up this morning and tested again. Rich jumped out of bed when I did so he could be there when I tested today. It was pretty funny! Well, it's still positive today! Hooray!! We are cautiously optimistic but still pretty excited! I still can't believe it. We came up with a game plan today that I will test everyday until Thursday when I call Patel's office. So we went to the store and bought another box of tests to get me through the rest of the week lol! I'm excited to test tomorrow because the HCG level is supposed to double every 48-72 hours so the line should be darker tomorrow. After tomorrow, all the tests we have are digital so they will state either "yes" or "pregnant". The test that I hated so much last month I will absolutely love this month! I can't wait to test again tomorrow!

I came home from work today and Rich had 2 dozen beautiful roses waiting for me and the book, "What to Expect When You are Expecting". It was so sweet and so thoughtful! I am so blessed to have such a wonderful husband who is so caring!! Now he will become a fabulous father!!

Friday July 15, 2011

So I did what I said I wasn't going to do today, I took a home pregnancy test. I woke up thinking about what my acupuncturist said to me a few days ago. She said once I find out I'm pregnant, I need to stop taking all the Chinese herbs and most of the supplements I'm taking. I started thinking, what if I'm pregnant and I'm taking this stuff? So I decided, I need to take a test just in case. It's 10 days past my IUI and the Ovidrel injection is out of my system now so what the hell? I went ahead and tested but really expecting it to be negative. When I walked up to the test after the allotted 3 minutes I was shocked beyond belief! Low and behold...a BIG FAT POSITIVE (BFP)!!!!! I just couldn't believe it! I just started crying and saying over and over, oh my God, there's two lines, there's two lines!!!! I immediately called Rich and he asked right away what was wrong because he could tell that I was crying. I told him I took the test and that it was positive!! He freaked out too, of course! He kept questioning me over and over about the test and whether or not I did it right. He just couldn't believe it either! We met for lunch and I brought the test for him to see! Ha, ha! We just can't believe this actually happened. It actually worked! Now for the hard part...waiting until next Thursday (6 more days) before I can test "officially" and call Dr. Patel. I am now incredibly worried that I could potentially miscarry. I have a high chance so I am taking every precaution. Most miscarriages happen due to chromosomal abnormalities and there's nothing that I can do about that but I will do what I can. I am over the moon with excitement that I can actually get pregnant! Dr. Patel gave me 5% chance to get pregnant with IUI so I have beaten the odds! Now I need to do it again and carry this baby full-term. I'm praying this little one will stick around, grow and come out very healthy!

Thursday July 14, 2011

Rich and I went to our first support group meeting last night with Resolve. Resolve is the National Infertility Association. It was really comforting to meet people going through the same struggles as we are. Everyone had a unique story but we were all brought together by infertility. I felt really supported, listened to and understood for the first time since my diagnosis. No one there told me it would be okay and that I would get pregnant if I just relaxed, stopped stressing out, when God wants me to be, when the time is right, etc. No one asked me if I have thought about adoption or what I'm going to do next. It was truly refreshing. No one really understands what I am going through except for other women going through infertility. I felt an instant bond with everyone and it was terrific!

Today I am 9dpiui and I feel pretty good. I am still cramping a good deal but it has been manageable. Today my breasts started hurting a little but not too bad. I feel different from my last IUI physically so I'm hoping that's good news. I'm really bloated this time and I just feel different. I'm crossing my fingers and praying like crazy! I promised myself I wouldn't take a test until 12dpiui so I am holding out 3 more days to test. It's going to be hard but I can do it!

Tuesday July 5, 2011

I had IUI #2 this morning. Everything went really well and the sample had 26 million swimmers. 4 million more then last time. Yesterday was a really emotional day for me but I have felt really great all day. I'm really positive about this one and feel like it's going to work. So another 2 week wait. I'm going to try & hold off on testing until 2 weeks time!

Sunday July 3, 2011

I went in for my ultrasound this morning and I have 2 mature follicles in my right ovary but Dr. Patel could not find any in my left at all. My left ovary is always difficult for him to see. I've been feeling my left ovary hurt this month so I thought maybe I would have some mature but it doesn't look like it. I did have one measure 22 cm so Patel said it's time for me to trigger tonight and have my IUI on Tuesday morning. It's a day earlier then we anticipated so I hope it works this time. I am just so nervous and excited. I just hope this is the month for it to work out. I am praying like crazy!!

Saturday June 25, 2011

I went in for my CD3 baseline ultrasound today for my 2nd IUI cycle and the news was great! Not only does my uterine lining look good, but I have 8 follicles!! This is double what I usually have so I am absolutely thrilled! Dr. Patel told me to not get too excited because they still have to mature but I can't help but be excited! I've never had that many follicles so I figure the chances are much better that one of them will work out!! So, great news on our way out of town. He left for San Diego right after the u/s for the weekend. The weather is great here and I can finally relax...ahhh!! I will be ready to start my Clomid on Monday and our next u/s is scheduled for 7/3 and hopefully IUI on the 6th if all looks well. Here's to our next cycle working!!!

Thursday June 23, 2011

She came today, hooray! I didn't think I would be happy to see my period come but in fertility world, you are excited once you know the test results because it means you can start another cycle again. So, I have bloodwork & ultrasound scheduled for Saturday morning before we leave for San Diego. I am praying and keeping my fingers crossed that this will be the cycle I get pregnant on. I am looking forward to our trip this weekend because we need to get away desperately. I just need to get away & get my mind off all this. On to the next cycle!

Wednesday June 22, 2011

I am officially not pregnant. Today is the day to test for sure and it same back negative. I am, of course very upset and sad today. I know the chances were very slim, however, I had a lot of hope. I thought we would be different, the lucky ones. Unfortunately, we are just another one of the statistics. Now I must wait for Aunt Flow to come so I can start a whole new cycle of drugs and another IUI. I just wish it would come so my torture would end and I can move on from this month!

Friday June 17, 2011

Unfortunately, I tested again and it still came back NEGATIVE!! I am so bummed. I know it's not over until AF arrives and until 16 days past IUI but nevertheless, I am upset! I have been using the Clear Blue Easy digital home pregnancy test and in my opinion, it is quite rude! It says either. "Pregnant" on "Not Pregnant" which in theory sounds perfectly logical and easily understood. As a woman going through Infertility, I believe it is a rude bastard!! Why can't it say, "No" or "not this time" or something else non-obtrusive. It is just so blatant in the "NOT PREGNANT" almost as if it's mocking me for even suggesting it. Maybe next time I will buy the test with the lines. One line you're not pregnant, two lines you are. That just sounds a lot nicer, don't you think? I am just keeping my fingers crossed, and praying the the big POSITIVE next week!!

Monday June 13, 2011

So it's been one week since my IUI and I just couldn't take the suspense anymore so i went to the store and bought a package of home pregnancy tests. I know it's too early but I just wanted to take a test to see. Well, it was a big, fat negative (BFN). I figured it would be this early but I still had hope. So, I have spent the rest of the day super depressed. Again, I know it's too early to tell but my mind is playing games with me. I have been really positive about this all along and now that I saw the stupid "Not Pregnant", I am doubting whether or not I could be. My cramps have been a lot worse today, almost as though Aunt Flow is coming. These cramps have been playing games with me, as well. I have been cramping since the IUI so I don't know if it's AF coming or if I am indeed pregnant? So, I just have to wait it out a little while longer to know for sure. I think I will test again on the 20th if AF hasn't come. 7 more long days!!

Saturday June 11, 2011

It's 5 days post IUI. I am very crampy, my breasts are sore, and I keep feeling twinges in my belly. I don't know if I could be pregnant or if it's just the hormones from the trigger shot. The side effects from trigger shot & the progesterone that I have to take everyday now both mimic pregnancy symptoms. It's really hard to deal with emotionally because it feels like I am pregnant but I have this question in the back of my mind if I could possibly be? I know Dr. Patel gave us such low chances for success so that's still in my head while I am trying to just visualize the baby and stay positive that it is indeed happening. I have been an emotional wreck and I just can't imagine having to go through this over and over every month. God, please listen to our prayers and let this happen for us. It's just so hard.

Monday June 6, 2011

It's IUI Day!!!! I could hardly sleep last night due to the hot flashes I kept having all night and from the anticipation of today. We had to be at Patel's office early so that Rich coud "make a deposit" and they could wash it and get it ready for the IUI. The procedure took literally one minute and Dr. Patel just had me lay there for 10 minutes before we could leave. I just kept visualizing my ovaries and the sperm doing what they're supposed to do and that I would have a baby. The nurse told me to start the progesterone on Wednesday. It's supposed to help keep me from miscarrying. She also told us to have as much sex as we could tonight and tomorrow to increase our chances. Rich, of course loved that prescription!! So now we start our 2 week wait until we can take a pregnancy test. It will be incredibly hard to wait the whole 2 weeks but they told us to not test before the 22nd. So....keeping our fingers crossed!!!!

Saturday June 4, 2011

Today was the big day...we went for the ultrasound this morning. We got great news! I had 2 mature follicles in my right ovary & 1 in my left. They all measured 19-21 mm so that was awesome news! Dr. Patel also said that my uterine lining looked really good too so he said we could do the IUI on Monday!! I have been on cloud 9 all day with excitement! This evening I had to do the trigger shot to jumpstart my ovulation. It was the first time I had to give myself a shot but it was no big deal. We are keeping our fingers crossed and prayers going that this IUI will work on Monday...

Friday, June 3, 2011

Tomorrow is a big day! We go in to the doctor's office to get an ultrasound of my follicles again. This is a big one because we are hoping the Clomid did its work and stimulated follicles in my ovaries. If all looks well, we will proceed with the insemination on Monday. I will have to give myself an injection of HCG tomorrow night to trigger the ovaries to drop an egg so that its ready for Monday. I am so nervous and excited to see how my body progressed. I just hope and pray that my follicles are good and ready. I will feel so let down and I don't want to disappoint Rich too.

Wednesday June 1, 2011

Today was my last day of Clomid. It hasn't been too bad except for the pain in my ovaries, especially the right ovary. It's this dull, aching pain that comes and goes. I just hope and pray it means that I'm growing some great follicles! I had my second acupuncture visit today and it was fabulous! She put on a recording for me to listen to while I had my treatment that helped me visualize what the Clomid was doing for me. It was very relaxing. She put the needles in this time to help ease the ovary pain and direct blood flow into the uterus. She also gave me an abdominal massage to help also and it did! My ovaries felt so much better and I felt very relaxed. I really look forward to my treatments each week now! I get my final blood draw before my IUI tomorrow morning and I hope the numbers look great!

Tuesday May 31, 2011

I'm on my fourth day of Clomid today and my ovaries are really aching!! I have had a few hot flashes too but all in all, it's not too bad. It's a small sacrifice if I get a baby out of this! I just keep visualizing and dreaming of my baby. I can't wait to meet him/her and hold her/him in my arms. I just keep visualizing it over and over... :)

Thursday May 26, 2011

I went in for my cycle day 3 bloodwork and ultrasound today. Dr. Patel found 3 follicles in my right ovary and 2 in my left so he said he was pleasantly surprised at how many more follicles I had this time. He said that he felt a little better about the situation. I was very happy, to say the least! He wrote me the prescription for 100 mg of Clomid to start on cycle day 5. Clomid is an ovarian stimulant that will hopefully help my ovaries to make more follicles and mature them. I am to take the Clomid for 5 days and then go in for bloodwork again on cycle day 10 and then another ultrasound on cycle day 12 to see how the follicles matured. I am so excited to see how this will all progress and am continually visualizing my future baby everyday.

Tuesday May 24, 2011

Today was very interesting and exciting! I started the day by seeing Jamie Clark for a reading. I have never done that ever and thought, what the hell?! A client of mine has done a few readings with him and he has been spot-on with a lot. So basically what he said was that he sees me with a baby by this time next year. He sees 2 babies, one definitely a boy and one is probably a girl. He didn't say necessarily twins but that it's a possibility. He also said that he knew I was seeking medical treatment to get pregnant and that if it doesn't work this treatment, it would work the next one. He said to keep visualizing having a baby and feeling a baby to manifest it. I was super excited to hear his news!

I also had my first appointment with Ilumina Healing Center for my acupuncture appointment. I had a pretty lengthy consultation and they feel pretty confident that they can help me. After 30 seconds of the needles going in, my ovaries started cramping. I could feel them getting stimulated right away. It was such a cool feeling. Right away I knew that this is going to help me. The next crazy thing that happened is that I finally started my period today after spotting for 3 days! I know the acupuncture helped me start. I called Dr. Patel's office to schedule my cycle day 3 bloodwork and ultrasound. Hooray, I can finally start my IUI process!

Monday May 23, 2011

We are anxiously waiting for my period to start so we can get going on the IUI. I started spotting yesterday a little and then absolutely nothing today. :( It's so frustrating. We can't get started with everything until my cycle day 3 so I wish I would start already!!!

May 19, 2011

I could not get my mind off everything today. I worked all day and then we went to celebrate Jen's promotion at The Keg tonight. I didn't let my sadness show to anyone and just drowned my sorrows in glass after glass of wine. Not a good solution but one that helped me get through the night. I got an appointment with Ilumina on Tuesday and I am so excited! I cannot wait to see if they can help me! I am hoping and praying for a miracle. Miracles happen, right?!

May 18, 2011

Today was a rough day. My mind is still reeling with all these thoughts, questions, etc. I just could not stop crying today and of course, Rich was so sweet. He came home from work to comfort me. That meant so much to me. I researched online all day what I could do to help my chances for a successful pregnancy and found out quite a lot on information. I found out that acupuncture has helped a lot of ladies before and during IVF treatments so I thought, why can't it work for an IUI treatment? On a random web site that is geared toward High FSH, I found info on a clinic here in Scottsdale called Ilumina Healing Center. They focus primarily on women's infertility issues through acupuncture, chinese herbs, diet and massage. I am beside myself with excitement to get an appointment! I also found a clinic in New York that specializes in working with High FSH patients that sounds hopeful. They suggest taking a DHEA supplement everyday to assist in lowering the FSH. It's basically a low level, male hormone that has shown to lower the FSH. So of course I ran right out to Sprouts and picked up a bottle! :)

I am determined to do whatever is in my control to help my situation. I am ready, willing, and able to do this!! I will not have the desire to have my own child taken away from me. I am going to fight and do what I can to make this happen!

Monday May 16, 2011

My entire future has completely changed today. Rich and I had our follow-up appointment with Dr. Patel (our Reproductive Endocrinologist) to go over the results of all our tests to find out why I haven't been able to get pregnant. I stopped taking birth control 3 years ago and just thought that when the time was right, I would get pregnant. We weren't really paying attention to my cycles in the beginning but the last year or so I have been documenting them. They have been all over the place. There's no rhyme or reason to when Aunt Flow comes so it's been difficult to pinpoint ovulation. Which leads us to why we sought out help from Dr. Patel.

Unfortunately, Patel had really bad news for us. He told us that my follicle count in my ovaries was really low, 3 in my right and 1 in my left. He also said that my FSH (Follicle stimulating hormone) was really high, 18. He has diagnosed me with Diminished Ovarian Reserve and has stated that I am Peri-Menopausal. The bad news just kept coming. He told us that we could try an IUI (Intra-Uterine Insemination) but that we would only have a 5% chance of having a successful, live birth. Our best bet he said would be IVF (In-Vitro Fertilization) but he was only giving us a 12-15% chance of a live birth. I was, am completely devastated. This was not the news I was hoping to hear but had a feeling in my heart before we went that it would be bad. He said that the reason for this is genetic and that there's nothing that I could have done to prevent this from happening. I am 37 years old but he said that my ovaries, hormones, etc. are more of a 45 year old woman. How the hell is a 45 year old woman supposed to get pregnant??? Patel is concerned with the cost of IVF for us with such a low chance for success. Our insurance will cover a couple rounds of IUI and whatever is left over, can go toward IVF. An IVF cycle will cost somewhere in the $15,000 range. Most doctors will not take me on as an IVF patient because of my low chance for success because I can "ruin" their published success rates. Patel has stated that he will support me 100% in whatever decision we make and will do whatever we feel we are up to trying. So we are now faced with the decision to go ahead & try the IUI because he said that even if it doesn't work, he will get a better look at how my body responds to the stimulating medications. It will give him more insight in case we have to try an IVF.

This has been an incredibly difficult day for me and for Rich. I bawled my eyes out all afternoon and Rich finally allowed himself to feel the pain of all this. He was trying to be so strong for me and hold it together in my presence but as soon as he had a moment alone, he broke down. I've never seen him cry like that and although I felt horrible for him, I was a little relieved that I wasn't the only one so upset and that he felt comfortable finally allowing himself to let go. I instantly knew that we were in this deep and that we were in this…together.