Friday February 24, 2012

I hardly slept at all last night because the nurse would come in and check on me every hour, the blood pressure cuff squeezed my arm every 15 minutes, and the things on my legs to keep the circulation going would squeeze one leg and then the other every 15 minutes also. It was madness but I just wanted it to be morning so that I could go to the NICU and see my baby girl. I still had my catheter in and my IV because they were giving me a steady stream of morphine for the incredible pain I was in. Holy smokes, I didn't realize how much pain I would be in. It hurt so bad to cough and to even walk to the bathroom took an act of God. The nurse had me pumping my breasts starting last night every couple of hours so that I could have colostrum to bring to Tatum. Dr. Patel, Tatum's Neonatologist came to my room to speak to Rich and I about what was happening with Tatum. He said that her breathing wasn't where they wanted it to be and that they had her on a CPAP machine which forces air into her lungs and allows her to breathe a lot better. He also said that she was on a feeding tube because she was having trouble eating too. He said it was all very typical for a 35 week baby and her lungs just weren't mature enough yet. He said that the would have to put surfactant into her lungs and that would make her breathing a lot better. He then told us that she would probably be in the NICU for 10-15 days. I was sad and could not believe that I was going to have to leave my baby in the hospital when I was discharged. He said not to worry and that everything would be fine and again, it's all very typical and she would be just fine. The nurse who was taking care of her brought up photos for us as a keepsake. I think she just wanted to prepare us for what Tatum looked like with all the apparatuses on.

We went down to the NICU around 7:00 and I got to see Tatum for the first time since she was born and it broke my heart to see her with the CPAP on. I knew she would be okay but she was just so little and it was just very overwhelming to see her in that state. They wouldn't let me hold her at that point and I was so very sad but I understood. They were getting ready to prep her for her procedure to out the surfactant in. We briefly got to see her and then they made us leave so they could get everything done.

They let us come see her again around 12:00 and she did very well with her procedure. The doctor said that there were no problems putting the surfactant in and that she should be breathing much better soon. They told us that there are certain "touch times" that we would be allowed to hold her and visit with her. Her times were 9:00 am, 12:00 pm, 3:00 pm, 6:00 pm and 9:00 pm. Those were the only times that we were allowed to touch/hold her and we could only hold her briefly. I felt so bad for Rich because he didn't even hold her for a few days because he wanted me to be able to hold her as much as possible. He is just so sweet and giving. It was so amazing to be able to really hold her that first time and feel just how little she was. It was the best feeling in the world! She was so cute because she had a pacifier in her mouth along with the CPAP and she was just the sweetest little thing ever! I kept telling Rich that I couldn't wait for her CPAP to be off so that I could kiss her lips because they are absolutely perfect. They are perfect, little rosebud lips and they are amazing.

I spent the entire day going back and forth from my room to eat, pump, sleep and then back to the NICU for the touch times. They had specific rules for how we could touch her too. No stroking her skin or head. It's too stimulating for a premature baby in the NICU to be able to handle that. We could only touch her and not stroke her skin. Do you know how hard it is to not stroke your baby's skin??!!! It's instinct to do that and we couldn't. The nurses in the NICU were so incredible and I feel so fortunate that we were able to have Tatum there. She was being provided the best care possible. We are so lucky and we are very grateful.