Saturday February 25, 2012

Today I got to hold Tatum in Kangaroo care. It's basically holding your baby skin to skin. It's great for all newborn babies but especially Premature babies. It was the most amazing moment of my life to hold her like that the first time. I just couldn't help but cry….again. Ha! I seem to cry a lot these days. I'm just so overwhelmed with emotion. Love for my baby girl and concern that she will be healthy and able to come home soon. I loved to listen to hear breathe, even if it's through the CPAP. Her features are just so little and she looks so delicate underneath all that equipment. She has a Ng feeding tube that runs through her mouth into her stomach. She seems to tolerate it well but it makes me feel so helpless that I can't even feed my own baby. I know it's because she's still working on her suck, swallow reflex that premature babies need help with but it still makes me feel so sad. I want to be able to pick my newborn baby up and be able to nurse her like most new mother's but I cannot. She has a CPAP on and a feeding tube. I look at her perfect little lips and I cannot wait to kiss them. I can't wait until the CPAP comes off and I can reach those beautiful little lips. Rich always said that he hoped that she would get my lips and so far it looks as though she has. Hers are even better then mine. :)

I am still working very hard at pumping for Tatum to get everything I can for her nutrition. The colostrum has severely tapered off and I don't get much of anything. The nurses are always so kind and encouraging to me to keep at it and to bring down anything I get out because they say "it's a treat for her".  They are so sweet to me. I am hoping my milk will come in soon and we can feed her primarily my milk instead of the Neosure formula they put in her gavage. I never imagined my baby's feedings would be like this. It's very upsetting for me and for Rich but we are just so grateful that Tatum has the best doctors and nurses taking care of her. They are all truly amazing.

Here are pictures of her little area in the NICU. She has her own little corner in the big pod…sort of like the corner office..ha! The nurses and volunteers make cute decorations for the babies areas and I'm sure they will make something for Tatum soon. As much as I'm feeling sorry for myself that my baby girl has to be in the NICU, I am humbled by God's grace that she is doing as well as she is. The baby next to her was born at 27 weeks and is so tiny. She is not even 2 pounds yet. They keep her really covered up in her incubator and I cannot see her that well but I have seen how small and fragile she is. I just thank God that Tatum made it to 35 weeks and we know she will be out of here soon. We are so lucky and so blessed!!